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If the motherfucking cut doesn't work this time I'm going to shoot something.

Title: Kitten
Author: bones1992
Pairing: J2
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3135
Warnings: Language and a ridiculous amount of cute. I apologize.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, sadly.
Summary: In which Jared is a softie, Harley doesn't eat Cas, and Jensen does not like cats.
A/N: Special thanks to mia6363 for looking over the first part and assuring me that I should continue. You rock :) Can't wait to kick your ass at katamari.

Jensen should have known something was wrong when Jared comes home and shushes the dogs instead of letting them knock him over and cover him in kisses, like usual. However, because he’s an idiot, he pays no attention to it and continues channel flipping. It isn’t until he spots Jared shuffling through the living room, holding his very large and puffy jacket to his chest, that he says something.

“Dude, what the hell?”

Jared stops in his tracks, a guilty look on his face. Jensen notices that he keeps one hand over the left side of his stomach gingerly, as if he’s injured himself.

“You run into somethin’? Lemme take a look,” Jensen asks, getting off the couch and striding over to Jared. The latter jumps like a spooked horse and stammers, “n-no, I’m fine. Just kinda beat. Kripke made me do that scene with Gen like, twelve million times.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow and says, “alright. If you need- wait a minute.”

Jared’s coat is moving.

“Jared. What the hell is under your coat?”

“What? Nothing!” Jared says hastily. The coat moves again.


Jensen nods to the now squirming coat, both eyebrows up.

“Okay, um. Don’t freak out or get mad or anything, but-“

“Oh hell no!”

In Jared’s gargantuan hands is a squirming, scruffy gray kitten.

“Just for one night!” Jared protests.

“Jared. No. You know I hate cats!”

“It’s not a cat! It’s a kitten! No one hates kittens! Not even you!” Jared’s now holding the tiny little thing in one hand (because he’s fucking huge enough to do that, thank you very much) and poking Jensen in the chest.

“How did you even find that thing? We’re in the middle of fucking nowhere. With snow.”

“See! This is why I needed to keep him! He was just wandering around in the dark, crying. I couldn’t leave him like that,” Jared replies, Sam’s puppy dog eyes in full effect.

“No. You are not allowed to use the puppy dog pout on me! We made rules!” Jensen says, glaring at him.

“Jensen… I can’t just let him out there to starve. We’re going to keep him here for the night and then I’ll ask around on set tomorrow if anyone lost their cat.”

“Jared, I need you to listen to me very carefully. We. Can’t. Keep. It. Harley and Sadie will eat it before morning.”

“They will not,” Jared scoffed.

“They’re still going to fuck with it. Harley could step on it and kill it, and Sadie’ll chase it around until it dies of exhaustion.”

“Okay, first of all-“ Jared’s finger has progressed from Jensen’s chest to right in front of his face, “it’s a he. Not an it. And secondly, we’ll just lock it in the bedroom with us and let the dogs chill in the living room tonight.”

“The last time we locked them out of the bedroom they both threw shitfits and we had to replace the door,” Jensen reminds him sourly.

“I’ll hide a rawhide in the living room and they’ll be preoccupied all night. Well, Harley will. Sadie’ll just fall asleep.”

“So you want them to destroy our furniture instead of our door?” Jensen asks, scandalized. Jared throws back his head and laughs, then wraps his hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and kisses him on the forehead.

“See, that? Right there? That’s why you’re the woman in this relationship.”

“Fuck you. We’re still not keeping that thing. We don’t even have a litterbox for it.” Jensen’s scowl is less pronounced, but he’s still glaring at the clueless kitten in Jared’s gigantic paw with distrust.

“Ah, but we have a back yard,” Jared replies smugly.

Jensen opens his mouth to reply, but closes it after a moment, stumped.

“Ha! I so win. I’ma go put the little guy in our room. You go get him some water. I think we have some tuna that we can feed him from your healthy-eating episode.”

Jared kisses Jensen again and carries the kitten down the hallway and into their bedroom as Jensen tries to figure out how he ended up being the owner of a mangy, tiny cat.


“Jared. I can feel it staring at us.”

They’re in the process of struggling out of their pajama bottoms (gray sweats for Jensen, blue pajama pants with little reindeer on them for Jared) when Jensen stills, looking around the dark room wildly.

“First of all, him, not it. Second of all, I promise you that the kitten is not staring at us. Now will you just put your hand back down my pants?”Jared asks between frantic kisses, frustrated. Jensen ignores him and peers out over the bed to see that the tiny cat is indeed staring up at them.

“I knew it! I can’t do this with it watching.”

Jared lets out a Sam-like huff of exasperation and says, “Jensen. I do not care if the cat is watching. I’m horny and I’m impatient and I want to fuck you, so-“

Jensen rolls off Jared just before his hand can breach the hemline of his sweatpants and somehow shrugs, despite the fact that he’s vertical on the bed.

“Sucks for you. I’m not letting that cat see us with your dick up my ass,” he says resolutely.

“Oh, come on!”




“I’ll let you top!”

“Okay, one,” Jensen starts, glaring at Jared in the dark, “You do not have to let me top. I can top whenever I want-“

Jared snorts.

“And two,” Jensen continues, ignoring Jared, “we agreed not to fuck when the dogs are watching and we’re doing the same for this cat.”

“But the only reason we don’t fuck when the dogs are watching is because we don’t want to traumatize the kids! And we’re getting rid of the kitten when I find the owner!”

“Fuck yes, we are. But until then, no sex if it’s watching.”

“You’re unbelievable. This is punishment, isn’t it?”


“You fucker.”

“Goodnight, Jared.”

Jared can hear the smirk in Jensen’s voice.


Luckily, Jared and Jensen only have about four more scenes to shoot before they can wrap up the episode and go on their hiatus break. Jared takes Jensen’s comment about Harley and Sadie eating the kitten extremely seriously and leaves it in their makeup trailer, much to the delight of their key hair and makeup artists, Jeannie and Shannon. Shannon even shows Jared where she hid all his chocolate, saying that she knows he’ll ruin his skin over the hiatus anyway.

Jensen rolls his eyes at this and has to agree.

They film their scenes surprisingly quickly, and the boys use the extra downtime to interrogate every single person on set about the cat. They even get Misha in on it, but only after he makes Jared promise to stop grabbing his face and pushing him up against walls in the middle of takes because it fucks with his vocal cords to constantly go from his Castiel voice to a laughably girly scream. Jensen sees Jared cross his fingers behind his back while he promises this and just smirks.

Jensen’s amusement with Jared wanes as the day drags on and no one has a clue where the kitten came from. By 10 PM, when Kripke declares a wrap and the crew starts to pack up, Jensen’s wearing an all-out scowl.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he says shortly when Jared catches up with him, pouting. Misha follows Jared, a frown on his face as well.

“Sorry, guys. No one I asked knew anything, and I have a plane to catch in the morning, so…”

“Right, sorry. Thanks, Misha,” Jensen says, giving him a quick hug and watching as Jared does the same. Misha raises a hand in farewell as he walks away.

Jensen glares at Jared before he can say anything as they trudge towards their makeup trailer. It’s a short and silent walk, and Jensen can see the small puffs of air in front of his face as he breathes in, out, in, out.

Jeannie and Shannon are just about done packing their things up when Jared and Jensen crowd into the trailer. The kitten is asleep on Jensen’s counter, curled up into a tight little ball, but it blearily opens its shockingly blue eyes and yawns at the noise.

“Aww,” Jared says, picking up the kitten in one hand. Jensen rolls his eyes.

“No luck, boys?” Shannon asks, watching Jared tickle the kitten fondly.

“No,” Jensen replies sourly.

“Shame. Looks like you’ll be keeping him another night or two, then,” Jeannie says, smirking at Jensen.

He glares at the girls and grabs a fistful of Jared’s jacket and yanks.

“Bye, girls. Have a good break,” Jensen says mock-cheerily, ignoring Jared’s squawk of indignation as he’s dragged out of the trailer.

“I hate you. I could’ve dropped him,” Jared says, before turning to look the kitten in the face, “couldn’t I, little guy? Yes I could!”

“Oh my god. You are not babytalking to that thing. I deal with your retardedness enough with Harley and Sadie.”

“You love it,” Jared quips, not even looking at Jensen.

Jensen doesn’t respond. He does love it. In fact, he thinks it’s adorable. But he’s not about to say that out loud.

Instead, he shoots a disparaging glace at Jared, and continues to watch him play with the kitten out of the corner of his eye. It keeps crawling up Jared’s jacket and trying to perch at the top of his shoulders, and eventually Jared gets tired of pulling it back down and walks with a slight hunch so the kitten doesn’t fall. Jensen rolls his eyes.

They get to their house and Jensen unlocks the door as Jared detaches the kitten from his shoulders. It lets out a pathetic little cry, and Jared just looks at it.

“What?” Jensen asks, stepping out of his shoes as they enter the house. Harley and Sadie rush towards them, their nails clicking on the hardwood floor of the kitchen, and Jared holds the kitten to his chest protectively.

“Harley, down!” he commands. Harley gives him a wounded look and and walks away, tail drooping. Sadie follows him.

“Aw, you hurt his feelings,” Jensen says.

“I know,” Jared pouts. “But I the little guy is terrified. I don’t want him to get even more scared than he already is.”

Said kitten is shivering against Jared’s chest, clearly rattled by the dogs’ proximity.

Harley barks sharply from the kitchen, and the sound is closely followed by Sadie’s needy whine.

“Oh shit, they need to be fed. Can you hold him for a minute?” Jared asks, holding the kitten out to Jensen.

“No. I am not holding that living allergen.”

“Jensen. I know you’re not allergic to cats. Now just hold him so I can feed the kids.”

Jensen glares at Jared and gingerly picks up the squirming kitten. It stills and looks up at Jensen with ridiculously big blue eyes as he cradles it against his chest.

Shut up. He just doesn’t want to drop the damn thing. That’s all.

Jensen hears Jared rummaging around in the dry food container and can picture the dogs following him around the kitchen, noses bumping into the back of his calves when he moves. He snickers, but quickly lets out a yelp of pain when he feels tiny claws sink into his chest.

“What’d you do?” Jared calls from the kitchen.

“Your little monster is trying to kill me!” Jensen calls, unattaching the kitten’s claws from his skin. He winces as its claws retract.

Jared’s laugh booms from the kitchen, and Jensen glares at the cat.

“Alright, there are going to be some rules if you’re staying around here,” he says, walking towards the living room. The kitten gives him a quizzical look as he tiptoes through the kitchen, careful not to alert the dogs.

He plops the kitten down on the couch and glares at it.

“Rule number one: you do your business outside.

“Oh my god, are you serious?” Jared asks, striding into the living room with a bag of Skittles. Jensen narrows his eyes at him and returns his attention to the kitten. Jared flips on the TV, keeping the volume low.

“Rule number two: you do not claw at me, cry at me, or expect anything of me. You are his pain in the ass,” Jensen tells the kitten, pointing to Jared, who snickers.

“Dude, he’s totally your pain the ass too. Besides. You like him.”

“I do not!” Jensen replies, affronted.

“Yes, you do. You gave me rules the day I moved in, too. You totally wanna keep this little guy, deep down.”

“I do not! We’re giving this guy back the second we find his real owner.”

“Bullshit. And how do you know he even has a real owner? He could have just been abandoned,” Jared says, brow furrowing. Jensen frowns. He doesn’t like to think about it either.

“He wasn’t. I mean, he doesn’t have a collar or anything, but he’s basically house-trained,” Jensen says doubtfully.

Jared rolls his eyes. “Cats usually are. It’s common sense for them.”

Jensen looks dubiously at the kitten, which jumped off the couch and was playing with Jensen’s feet. It keeps weaving between his legs and attacking his toes, which are thankfully covered by extremely thick socks. (A Christmas gift from his parents, actually.) Jensen, for once, was happy for the cold bite of Vancouver.

“So what are we going to do if he really doesn’t have an owner? I’m not putting him in a shelter,” Jared says firmly.

“I don’t know. You know we can’t keep him. The dogs-”

“Will be fine,” Jared interrupts.

Jensen scoffs.

“Just watch,” Jared says. He whistles and Harley and Sadie come barreling into the living room. Jensen gathers the kitten up in his arms before they can get there and trample him.

“Yeah, you don’t like him at all,” Jared says smugly.

“Shut up.”

Jared grins and nods to the kitten. “Put him on the couch for a sec.”

Jensen does so slowly, one eye on the dogs the whole time. Jensen waits for the dogs to notice the kitten, and when they do, it’s almost comical. Harley’s tail immediately begins wagging and he rushes right over to the couch. Jensen grabs his collar just in time before he can shove his nose in the kitten’s face. Thankfully, Sadie has a more reserved approach, and just watches the kitten curiously as he looks up at Harley with wide, terrified eyes.

Harley. Settle,” Jared says authoritatively. Harley immediately goes still, eyes still on the kitten.

“Let him go. Let’s just see what he does,” Jared says. Jensen gingerly lets go of the collar.

Harley sniffs at the kitten enthusiastically and immediately sneezes. The kitten just sits there, obviously scared for its life.

“This is just cruel,” Jensen says, crossing his arms.

Jared sighs.

Harley continues to sniff the kitten until Sadie comes over to get a better look. Soon her nose joins Harley’s and the kitten’s fur is beginning to stand on end from the constant near-suction. It goes on for a minute or so, until Sadie gets bored and wanders away. Harley still sniffs at it, then stops and barks at it. The kitten is nearly shaking at this point, and Jensen can’t help but feel bad for it.

“Jared. Can we please call off your dog? The poor guy is terrified!” Jensen pleads.

“Give him another minute,” Jared says tightly. Jensen can tell that he’s disturbed by how scared the kitten is too, though.

Harley just looks at the kitten for another few seconds, then abruptly licks him.

“I told you he would try to eat him!” Jensen says, scandalized. Jared laughs.

“Dude, he’s not eating him. He licked him. In case you need a refresher, that’s ‘hi’ in dog.”

Jensen continues to watch suspiciously as Harley noses at the kitten. He doesn’t do any damage to it; in fact, Harley’s tail starts wagging so hard that his whole ass is moving back and forth.

“Told you,” Jared says smugly.

Jensen is just happy he didn’t have to pry the kitten from Harley’s mouth.


“So I was thinking of a name for the kitten,” Jared says lazily, scratching his stomach. Jensen is snuggled into his chest (and that so does not make him the woman, fuck you for asking), and both are a little tired from this morning’s round of sex. Jared’s got a slight sheen of sweat covering most of his body, which Jensen totally doesn’t mind. He kind of digs Jared’s sweat. In a non-kinky, non-disgusting way.

It’s been two weeks since Jared brought the kitten home, and neither Jensen nor Jared had been able to find an owner for him. Jensen had finally agreed that they could keep him after Jared promised him at least one blowjob every two days, and so far he had made very good on that promise.

“Did you have anything in mind?” Jensen asks through a yawn.

“Well… okay, don’t laugh,” Jared says.

Jensen snorts.

“Okay, don’t laugh hard. I think I’ve got a really good name for him.”

“And this name would beeeeeee…?” Jensen says, drawing out the word.


Jensen just stares at Jared for a minute, wide-eyed, then slides off Jared’s chest and props himself up on his elbows to look at him before he speaks.

“Dude. Creepy. Just… no.”

“Why not?” Jared pouts. “He totally does that head-tilt thing Misha’s so good at like, all the time, and he’s got stoner eyes just like Misha does, and he totally-“

“Dude. No. I am not naming our cat after a fictional character, and I’m sure as hell not naming him after a fictional character on our show.

Jared just smiles.

“What?” Jensen asks, feeling a little self-conscious.

“You just called him our cat,” Jared replies. The megawatt smile has taken over his face.

Jensen’s about to protest, but the creature in question jumps onto the bed and scampers between Jared and Jensen before he can say anything. The kitten circles once or twice and then plops down half on top of Jensen’s arm. Jensen can feel the cat’s little body practically vibrating because he’s purring so hard, and glares up at Jared.

“Don’t you say a word.”

Jared just grins and kisses Jensen on the forehead, careful not to crush the kitten in the process.

“Just so you know, I’ve been calling him Cas behind your back for a week now. Asking you about it was just a formality,” Jared says sneakily.

Jensen wishes he could punch Jared without disturbing the cat. Instead, he just narrows his eyes.


“You love it.”

Jensen can’t help but admit that yeah, he kind of does.

Comments rock :)



( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 27th, 2010 06:36 am (UTC)
Im so in love with this.

The rules thing was sooo funny.

Along with Misha making Jared agree not to grab his face and try to kiss him on set (lol gag reel)

you win at the internet
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:37 am (UTC)
thanks so much! XD yeah, I don't even want to say how many times I've watched that gag reel. It's ridiculous XD

thanks for commenting! :)
(no subject) - spnfreak15 - Jul. 27th, 2010 06:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:41 am (UTC)
I cant tell which of them is more childlike, Jensen cause of the whole cranky I’m going to refuse to admit you’re right thing or jared because he’s jared. And I’m not gonna lie, I was kinda hoping Harley would snack on cas (very appropriate name btw, I approve)

And you did a very good job of getting the whole fucking thing in there without having to actually write it. I am impressed :P also, it really really fucking adorable, I especially loved the end and Jensen unintentionally admitting that it was their cat <3 and I was dying in the beginning when jared was unsubtly trying to hide the kitten in his jacket (also really cool the way you mentioned that it was their shared room in the beginning and kinda slipped their status as a couple in there)

Also in case you were wondering, which I know you were, BRANDON lost his phone this time, NOT ME (notice the use of capitalization for emphasis)!!! He went to a friend’s house sleepover thing (stop it, all boys his age go to sleepovers…) and cause his was missing, mom decided to hand over my phone, you know without telling me -__- got it back tonight, currently charging. And I’m actually really surprised that all I had to explain were a few curse words when he returned it to me rather than some obscure sexual reference that would’ve killed what little innocence he has left.

Serious question though, does it annoy you toy write things like “I’ma” when writing cause of the bad grammar, or do you feel ok about it because it’s a character’s unique way of speaking?
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:46 am (UTC)
first of all, why the fuck are you awake? It's almost 3 am!!

Secondly, I was not wondering!! I just figured that you were ridiculously busy trying to finish 19 drawings in two days XD seriously, I wasn't mad.

Sure. ALL boys his age go to sleepovers. Not just that 10%.

As for your srs bsns question, it doesn't annoy me if it's dialogue. I'm very okay/supportive of it bc I think that people who write characters speaking proper english is just stupid. NO ONE speaks in proper english, and anyone who writes characters(/real people) speaking like that is just a pretentious asshole.

And thanks <3 and not just for commenting, but ignoring the fact that the longest thing I've written so far is about a kitten XD
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 27th, 2010 06:47 am (UTC)
thanks so much for commenting! I was actually really concerned that naming the cat Cas was a little bit too cliche/unoriginal/shitty!writing, so you def made me feel better about it. you're welcome! :)
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:08 am (UTC)
Loved it. Simply loved it!

I think you did an amazing job with the guys. I mean, not like we really know how they are in private, but...well...anyway it rang true to me and I had no trouble imagining them just like this.

“But the only reason we don’t fuck when the dogs are watching is because we don’t want to traumatize the kids!

I think you need a medal, or a tiara, maybe a cookie? Something for this right here! Much giggling & snorting! HeHe
(is it wrong that I would love to be traumatized in such a fashion?)

Really enjoyed all the snarky banter in this, along with the sweet concern for little Cas.

Jul. 27th, 2010 07:13 am (UTC)
aw, thanks so much!! And don't worry, I would totally be willing to be "traumatized" too. Again, and again, and again, and again, and then one more time XD

Thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it <3
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:12 am (UTC)
what a great way to end the day, i really enjoyed reading this story - thanks for posting :D
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:13 am (UTC)
aw, you're welcome! thanks so much for commenting <3
Jul. 27th, 2010 08:25 am (UTC)
This is so adorable.
Jul. 27th, 2010 08:26 am (UTC)
thanks! <3 I appreciate the comment!
Jul. 27th, 2010 09:19 am (UTC)
This is just soo unbelievable cute. I can't stop smiling.
Thanks for sharing this wiht us.
Jul. 27th, 2010 09:20 am (UTC)
you're welcome :) thanks for commenting!
Jul. 27th, 2010 11:51 am (UTC)
Aw so cute!! I really really want a kitten now!!
Jul. 27th, 2010 01:53 pm (UTC)
thanks for commenting! Lol yeah, I totally want another kitten (I have two) now too!
Jul. 27th, 2010 11:59 am (UTC)
Ooooow, this is LOVELY! I rather guess Jensen may be sorta cat person, but I really like his reaction in this story.
We've rescued 3 month old black stray kitten boy last week(the one in my icon), your story brighten my day! :D
Jul. 27th, 2010 01:54 pm (UTC)
Aww, your kitten is adorable! I have two cats and he he looks just like one of them when she was a kitten too :) thanks for commenting!
Jul. 27th, 2010 12:08 pm (UTC)
~~Comments rock :)~~ Just like this fic! :)
Jul. 27th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
thanks so much! :) glad you liked it!
Jul. 27th, 2010 12:50 pm (UTC)
So goddamn cute!
Jul. 27th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks <3 glad you thought so!
Jul. 27th, 2010 01:10 pm (UTC)
Aw, this was such a sweet fic, I love every single word! I knew Jensen would give in to adoring the kitten, I knew it.

Jul. 27th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
haha, of course he had to :) thanks for commenting!
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:02 pm (UTC)
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:07 pm (UTC)

it's not quite the kitten in my fic, but here you go.

And my epic icon just punches every other icon in the world in the face. It's best to just accept it.

Thanks for commenting :)
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:21 pm (UTC)
Really nice story. Thanks for starting my day off on a happy note!
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:26 pm (UTC)
aw, you're welcome! <3 thanks for commenting!
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:51 pm (UTC)
Dude. This just made my Tuesday. :-D
Jul. 27th, 2010 02:53 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks hun! :) Glad it could!
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